Hiraeth

Alhamdulillah for the beauty that graces the eyes,
For they remember You whenever they behold something nice.
The world outside seemed wise,
Yet to me, it felt like vice.

For every untouched pebble within,
I blindly buried a story beneath—
Unearthed, waiting to be found,
Craving to sprout and rise.

The world was harsh,
It fought to break my heart apart.

But alas, here I stand,
With the Noor of Allah entering through the cracks—
A guiding beacon in crimson red,
And suddenly, the pebbles lit!

Who knew, my Lord, You were knocking
To unearth the gems I hid,
Those I thought were mere pebbles?

Let the sun kiss me a little longer,
The dark has had its turn.
Let me wait for the rains of fate,
To reap and sow something great.

Alhamdulillah for the Barakah that falls from above,
Watering my heart each day as I wait,
Until the little seed in me blooms and thrives.

Behold your breath—
For what blossoms inside
Is never what you thought you’d sown.

What I sought outside
Was hidden deep within my heart.
If only I knew how deep to dig,
How many more layers to peel,
And what it craved to be nourished with—
To reap and sow,
To sprout and grow,
To bloom and glow..

Alhamdulillah for that knock on my door,
For indeed, it shook me to the core.
Alhamdulillah for the darkest hours that turned cold,
For they showed me Your love glowing inside,
Keeping me warm.
Alhamdulillah for unearthing the gems of my heart—
Those that shone in the dark,
Those that bloomed through Your Noor.
Alhamdulillah for every untouched pebble
That I found inside,
For unearthing them has been
The purpose of my life.

-S.M.

Ya Allah, the heart is heavy

For what lies inside is so strong and steady

It is only You whom I seek for help

And it is only You whom I turn to

For indeed, you are closer to me than my jugular vein

You know it’s realms, and it’s vivid colors

The heart; which beats for you alone

Has gone through tremendous struggles

And ya Allah I do not know where

To start from the rubbles

To find me in this abyss

Ya Allah, where is your light

The Noor that guides me back to me

Is what I can seek alone in this darkness.

I’ve forgotten it all

The happiness, the laughter, the love, the care

As if it never happened

Ya Allah show me the way

I’ve got nothing else but my heart to guide

The very heart that beats for you alone…

Oh my dear Miqu ❤️❤️❤️

Alhamdulillah I’m head over heals in love with you, oh my dear Miqu..
Alhamdulillah Allah swt honored me with the title of your mother, oh my dear Miqu
Alhamdulillah, Allah swt chose me to care for you, oh my dear Miqu..

I knew you well before I saw you
oh my dear Miqu…
In a couple of dreams here and there,
In my deep desires of having a soulful son,
Amidst the tiny little heartbeats
which kept entangling with mine
I see in you everyone I loved before you
oh my dear Miqu..
My Kembapa, my shahin, my ikaka, my Uppa, my Vellipa..

Oh my dear Miqu, I miss you in my womb..
Where you were safe and sound
And I could protect you with all my might
And those cheeky little kicks,
those late night somersaults,
those teeny tiny heartbeats ..
were my reward for the day

And As you took your first step oh my dear Miqu,
I could see a peice of my heart jumping here and there
And why does it hurt me more when I hear you cry or skip a feet?
As I saw your first tooth oh my dear Miqu,
I jumped with joy for another milestone you climbed
As you cling on to me for everything,
I’m proud to be your shade oh my dear Miqu…
Your smiles your cuddles your love your warmth everything is my Rizq, oh my dear Miqu…

You have become my absolute favourite, oh my dear Miqu..
And I’m so proud that we completed one whole round around the sun together,
And there’s many many more to go in sha Allah
Oh my dear Miqu,
you showed me that there’s more room in my heart than I could’ve ever imagined..
More love, more kindness, more strength,
more compassion, more patience, more resilience,
More of everything good I have…

Oh my dear Miqu,
you showed me what I was capable of
You are the coolness of our eyes,
oh my dear darling Miqu
You put me to sleep, you love me beyond words,
You are the most purest form of Gods love,
Oh my dear Miqu…

As you man up each passing year
I will take my each passing day
to love you more,
to cuddle you more,
to care for you more,
To pray for you more,
to embrace you more,
to do everything I ever can
for you to become the best version of yourself, in this world and the next, in sha Allah

Oh my dear Miqu,
Here’s wishing and praying for you,
That you be righteous and just,
That you be kind and strong,
That you be patient and calm,
That you be loving and caring,
That you be beneficial and purpose driven.

May Allah swt be pleased with you
oh my dear Miqu,
As you set sail for the next year of your life ahead,
May He guide you, empower you, protect you, help you, heal you, bless you, reward you, raise you, purify you, choose you, sustain you, strengthen you, soothe you, defend you and above all, give youa long life filled with happiness, love, joy, good health, Izzath, Rizq, quality people, Aafiyah and guidance..

Allahumma Aameen.

Umm Miqdad ❤️

I can’t stop myself from writing about you..
I told myself a million times..
that you don’t like to read,
that you don’t want to be disturbed,
that you don’t need to know
But here I’m, still writing about you
With the same awe and passion since I first wrote about you..

I’m glad Allah swt has a greater place in my heart
That He speaks to me everytime I miss you..
And that He lets me do this for you..
Each time I think of you, I utter my duas for you
That you get shifa soon..
That you find solace soon..
That you come back to us soon, healthier, happier, handsomer..

Each time you go away from me,
As your void fills my days and nights,
I realise you fill up my heart and thoughts..
I get up and keep my Niyyath straight;
That I’m doing this for us
That I chose this heaviness in my chest
For the greatest good of your shifa
That Allah swt will reward me for this sacrifice; a gift of cure for you

I look around in search of you
I hear your voice echoing shaabi a 100 times
I look back and revisit our memories together
I cry in happiness seeing our beautiful children
I carefully tend to your plants, how much have your nourished them
I surrender to Allah swt and explore the depth of my pain,
Out of my unconditional and irrevocable love for you..

I can’t stop myself from writing about you..
I love you to the moon and back..

I’m such a boring person to be around.

I don’t think anyone likes to be with me.

I don’t know how to have fun.

The voices in my head kept echoing to me and tried convincing me of the mere possibility of people swirling in and out of my life as and when they choose. It is hard to have a best friend, I realised the bitterness as I typed in some of what was going on with me today. But do I really need a friend? Well, that was questionable. As I was busying myself with my routine spring cleaning, decluttering unused items and binning expired medicines and pantry, a small voice softly but clearly told me; you don’t need anyone now, except Allah swt. And it’s because you have not had an open conversation with Him yet ever since you woke up, you are feeling this way. That you are worth nothing. Alhamdulillah you have a beautiful heart and that’s all you need, to be friends with your Creator. You don’t have to keep chasing people. And when you are actually in need of a friend, He will bring the right ones to you; each time a different one. So trust the Process, sit back and enjoy the ride; both alone and together. At all times, remember that Allah swt is always with you. Ya Allah, please help me. I have no one but You and you alone is sufficient for me. Alhamdulillah.

All it takes is a little bit of courage

To come back to your Lord,

The most gracious, the most merciful

Take that small step

To bow down in Sujood

And then you realise, how desperately you have missed Him

Ya Allah, from the bottom of my heart

I sincerely seek your repentance

My head had been so engulfed in this merciless Dunya

That I conveniently ignored my souls plea for your Remembrance

For indeed, only in Your remembrance can my heart find solace

Yet I ignored, every single thought that came to me, to turn back to You

Ya Allah I have sinned

Yet, I’m hopeful of your mercy

Ya Allah, I have lost myself in this whirlpool that hit me and swept me off my feet

Yet there’s life in my heart, my body, my soul; craving for Your love

I deliberately cut the chord, that connected me to you

And how can I seek it in others, that which You have provided me

Relentlessly chanting my routine dhikr,

Heedlessly performing my daily namaz,

Mindlessly making my usual duas,

I was so engrossed in thinking of you

As a strict teacher, waiting to lash me in and out

If I ever fail in my tasks

Where did my love go?

Little did I think of you as

The most merciful, the most gracious

The most loving, the most forgiving

Yet you left your mark, helping me in my every struggle

Every single pressure had an ease on its way; Your sign that You love me

Little did I think of you as my Creator

Who is closer to me than my jugular vein

Who loves me exactly as I’m

Who is well aware of my every struggle

Who is consistently and unconditionally forgiving me

And giving me another day, another moment, another breath

Another chance to mend, to heal, to love

And to strive hard in your path, Ya Rabb

Ya Allah, you are the most High,

You are oft forgiving,

You are the most merciful,

You are the most loving,

Ya Allah, I seek your mercy with all my heart

I surrender and submit to You alone

And beg of you, to forgive me one more time

I cry in my Sujood to you alone

Until I feel you inside of me

Ya Allah, please help me in my life

Please ease what’s hurting in me

Please show me a way out from every test

Please make me a better person

Please guide me to Your wisdom, to Your light

Ya Allah, please grand me the Barakah of Your infinite mercy

And let that be my strength,

To carry myself with grace,

In this world and the next,

And to finally reach my eternal abode, to Your Jannah…

Allahumma Aameen..

Like seasons I might come and go

for there, in the earth’s soil

lies my deepest desires…

But the wind wont let me stay

Though the dawn promised me new horizons

Because I’m the Eye of the Storm..

I can NEVER rain…

In me lies the four chambers,

Chambers of Love and Sorrow,

of passion and melacholy,

of oceans and desserts,

of solitude and longing…

the oozing blood is heedless of its time,

yet it fervently chooses its beloved,

longing to be there forever…

My heart beats at its own pace,

I’m neither its friend, nor its foe

But its mild tremors,

its tumultous turmoils,

all at once shakes me from dusk to dawn..

And I let him down, my Earth..

To add his wrath, I found reasons..

What for? when my heart knows in and out,

Of him, all of his stupefied swallows..

Yet i mercilessly craved for his love…

The war just kept going within me…

I’m still bad, with all the good in me

hating the injustice that engulfed me

After my heavenly years of estasic retreat,

beneath the warmth of his chest..

All those beautiful nocturnal nights,

I slept like a new born baby, safe and sound

and all those wonderful mornings,

I woke up in his arms…

To my irravocable elixir of my life…His Love

I want him back, not just for him,

but for me, to be me,

because each time he knealt beside my banks,

not only could I contemplate his grace

But in the depth of his eyes, I could see

My own beauty reflected…

I’ve always wondered where they come from

And where they are heading

Floating beneath the mighty sky

I envy them for their freedom to roam

I wish I was a cloud in the sky

Above my loved ones, wherever they are

Caressing the birds and kissing the treetops

Pushing through horizons and sometimes making way for the sun

Crying my heart out when I’m burdened

And sending my love down

Wrapped in each pelting raindrop

I wish I was a cloud who broke all the shackles of the cage

And she soared high, living her life of purpose

land and water, Love and loss, she gets to feel it all

And when the time was up, she simply moved on..

To capture more hearts, to explore new zeniths, to witness more moments..

I wish I was a cloud, painting the sky

With her wildest heart, snowing in the air and hiding her sun

And alluring her moon with her enchanting elegance

Her delicate soul has room for all, the sun, the moon, the birds, the mountains

But she’s forever free, forever alone

Sometimes her tears run down the entire earth

And every creature beneath and above get to savour her and cleanse themselves

When her soul darkens, her wrath can reach the abyss sometimes

And engulf the soil avenging for more

But she can always be felt, for it’s always love that brings her back

She is ever ardent a mattress for everyone under her care

For a gaze to get locked in, she is indeed an eye piercing beauty

Behold her beauty, let the eyeballs rest

For in it is a comfort both for the spectator and his soul..

Sometimes she just stands still, and that’s when she needs her sun to shine through her

Sometimes she’s nowhere to be seen,